Obviously every year of life brings changes to us. Physically, emotionally, spiritually…and I’ve appreciated them for the most part. Change can be painful but usually good, generally speaking. But Since I’ve entered my 40’s there have been more changes than I had anticipated. Past the mid-40’s it has really sped up at an alarming pace! The emotional changes have been welcome. I’m enjoying some much needed maturity and some people would tell you a bit more would be nice. But the physical changes have been more or less shocking. For a previously thin person able to eat whatever I wanted and rarely dream of any form of exercise it has been a rude awakening to the struggle of the middle aged spread. One whiff of a brownie and
boom there’s ten more pounds! Hateful scale.
Then there’s the issue of my hair. Nothing will do but it has to become dry and brittle and more curly every year. And then I come to my eyes. Already near sighted now I am consigned to wearing readers to see anything in any detail close up. I’d like to tell myself I can pull off the “naughty librarian” look with these glasses, but the truth is, it’s just getting plain elderly. I remember my grandma looking at me over the tops of her readers all the time, and now, well, that’s me.
I have a memory of when I was very young and taking care of a darling little lady in her 90’s. I was brushing her long hair and she told me something I’ve never forgotten. She told me that even though she looked in the mirror and saw a very old woman, inside she was still that 19 year old girl she used to be.
I am starting to relate to that.
I need glasses to read, and take a fistful of supplements every day just to live, but I still like to be home alone with the speakers blaring my favorite music so I can dance like a crazy person with no one watching.
I’m more careful with that now. One of my sons took a video of me dancing wildly and put it on Facebook. The little rat. At least I’m getting closer to the age when I can be really weird and people will overlook it, but my kids will still be embarrassed.